October 10, 2019

Choosing to Love.

“Everyone in our culture desires to some extent to be loving, yet many are in fact not loving. I therefore conclude that the desire to love is not itself love. Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.”

This week I am thinking about choosing to love. Choosing to love change, uncertainty, colder weather, rhythms, and the value of breaking out of rhythms. On Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling claustrophobic, a tightness of anxiety in my chest without a clear cause. I felt like the ceiling was lower than it had been the day before. I decided to go for a walk, in the cold gray mist of the morning. I walked up the street, noticing the dew on the plants, noticing my feet moving one in front of the other. Noticing the bursts of fall colors against the muted deep hues of the sky.

In moments of anxiety, I have noticed that it can be easy to choose fear, choose self-doubt, choose criticism of myself and the outside world. I want to choose love for myself and others more often.