1. bonjour je m’apelle eleanor

For a long time I’ve had a very specific way of thinking like, “right and wrong,” for example, and other narrow minded habits. At the same time I still felt very aware of how I thought and that it wasn’t a collaborative way to think. I hear myself speak and I identify what I say that comes from selfishness or what I say that come’s from my personal background. I’m trying to re-work my systems of conversation and heal the negatively affected areas of my psyche’s foundation.

Hockney felt very strongly that he disliked how singular photographs came across to him. He wanted to, in his eyes, improve an already installed way of thinking about photography. I agree in the wanting to see more, say more, understand more, and not necessarily in the traditional ways that those words exist but in every sense. I feel my past tendencies collapsing on brighter newer ideas or ways of working and it hinders my ability to function and I guess you could say I’m tired of it. It feels like my head is this open work space taking all sorts of form: Scripts, a play, tv show, a movie, a painting, vibrant or dull colors, voices discussing together. It’s a fun time In my head, and that’s why I don’t want anything ruining the playground/classroom experience. I moved into my head the minute I was born but over time there’s been a water leakage issue, and the wallpaper is peeling. I’ve thought of this program, as well as this year, as a renovation of my mental house.

In “How to Do Nothing” I thought about how my perceptions of things and intuition towards things were always different. Behavioral analysis is one of my favorite things to do when introduced to an object or person etc. And I realized that my intuition is almost always correct, my intuition has seen the future but it never talks over my perceptions input. My perception is obsessed with protection and it let’s it’s head get clouded with assumptions. My perception has such strong muscle memory that sometimes it blinds me with judgements based off of passed experiences. And I can’t speak for everyone but I feel it’s a very common way of thinking. In this writing it reminded me that a big part of my mental house renovation is taking more time to perceive and find the harmony of my perception and intuition. Reacting automatically to words or actions is a narrow minded characteristic that I want to diminish. There’s no possible way for anyone to categorize something/someone based off of a blip of an introduction. Sure, I’m definitely tired of many genre’s of personalities, and overdone trends, yadda yadda, but looking deeper into the details of materials and structures, wether it be physical, mental, or audible needs to be given more space when I’m running through my thoughts bro.

In conclusion, this reading just spoke towards my need to free my mind …and not to be dramatic but….I can sense the shackles and I’m slowly learning the spell to unlock them. I want to apply what Jenny Odell wrote about to assess not only my interactions with my outwards lens, but also internally.

ailurophile era